Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sweep the Leg Johnny

217.8. Okay that is like a .8 difference between yesterday and today. Ugh! I knew I shouldn't have eaten late in the day and I told myself not having the extra protein in the morning was just fine. Still, .8 is nothing to scoff at and it just makes me that much more aggressive. It makes me get all Cobra Kai on this shit. There is no fear in this dojo bitches! Sweep the leg! Sweep the leg!

Awww the dark side emerges. Well, sort of. You know I was watching The Karate Kid movies again a few months ago and I started noticing that for some odd reason everyone, I mean everyone, wanted to kick Daniel San's ass. It just seemed to me that something rubbed people the wrong way when they encountered Daniel: the Japanese, a whole dojo of karate assholes, people who hate bonsai trees, the girl scouts, little old ladies passing in the street. Daniel was a magnet for ass kicking the whole time but then it dawned on me: Daniel was a whiny little bitch!

I think Ralph Macchio has to probably be the nicest guy in the world in real life. He took on a role,
around the age of 30, of a high school kid who gets his ass kicked continuously. Besides, anyone involved in The Outsiders is alright by me. But Daniel San was just the ultimate whiny thankless little bitch in all of cinema bar Luke Skywalker. That's the writing and not necessarily the acting. If it wasn't for the kind guidance of Pat Morita we would have all wanted to wait for our turn to kick the crap out of Daniel San. There is even one point in the first movie where he treats Elisabeth Shue like crap because he is such an insecure little asshole. Elisabeth Shue was the girl next door in all of 80's cinema. Heck, the first girl in Back to the Future wasn't Elisabeth Shue-y enough so they decided to replace her with the actual Elisabeth Shue. Without certain elements of the film, like the leader of Cobra Kai being an insecure asshole himself, we would have all been cheering William Zabka to sweep that damned leg. Hell, if it were an interactive experience, we would have done far worse ourselves.

So today I am in Cobra Kai mode - no mercy! I will not fall for weakly drawn out concepts of Aikido where you are waxing things on or off or painting a stupid fence; instead I will kick ass - deadly asshole style. But I am just going to be an asshole to myself and no one else. I have already started. This morning I had a Rock Star (oh you demon Splenda) and I immediately tortured myself to replace the flora I had wrecked in my digestive tract. I ate a big cold forkful of sauerkraut - HIGH-YAW - kick to the tastebuds. That look on my face was not pain, it was just the look of fear leaving my body - HIGH-YAW!

I will follow the Buddhist path today and make sure I pack in my calories early. With stealthy ninja skills I will slam my hand in the refrigerator door when I try to sneak that half a jar of peanut butter later tonight instead of eating a better meal early on. I have found my center. Ohm.

Unnecessary? Perhaps but Daniel only won that first tournament because of that fancy kicking shit, afterward he was still the same whiny asshole who got to make out with Elisabeth Shue (you deserve better Ms. Shue) and take advantage of the kindness of an elderly bereaved Japanese man. At least Johnny (William Zabka) learned an important life lesson: next time someone does that bird shit for (like what? 20 seconds) in front of you, don't just stand there, punch them in the balls.

We'll see tomorrow if my crazed agressive stance on what I eat has any effect. I would like to close out the month at 215lbs. We'll see, we'll see.

A revised chart since I was closing in on the lower limit of the old chart

I particularly love the video for this song. First, you have a good majority of the cast from the original Karate Kid and secondly (and inexplicably) they are doing a send up of Raising Arizona. Watch for the homage to "You Might Think" by The Cars in there as well. Heck, there are a lot of Easter Eggs in this thing. Who knew that Mr. Belding was a rock and roll pizza sensei. The video is almost as crazy as this post.

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