Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Who Wants to Live Forever

221.2lbs. This was a weird weigh in this morning. At one point the scale was reading anywhere between 220.2 to 220.8 to 221.2. Though 220.8 was the most consistent, I chose the higher number just as I always do. Honesty is the best policy.

I have two blogs and one has been greatly neglected (Wedding Roulette - link to the side). Granted, most blogs are topic or purpose driven. My friend Laura's blog is also linked to on this one, it is called A Touch of Tuesday Weld and I would highly recommend it. Laura seems to always have something fun or clever to post about her retro loves. I enjoy reading it and I think you would too. Wedding Roulette was about getting married so, in a way, it lost its purpose.

Now on occasion I will put on the two rings we bought for our wedding (we forgot one at home and bought another one in Wichita) and I will say in my manliest snap-into-a-slim-jim voice, "Look baby I am double f*ckin' married that's how much I love you!" Unless we plan to keep marrying each other, the blog has met its end. Hmmm now that's an idea, we could sort of have monogamous polygamy by continuously marrying each other under an assumed name. I could call out to Christy with her different married names and we could have ourselves some Big Love action going on.

You know I would gladly do it, a new wedding every so often. I love the woman dearly. It seems that each week seems shorter and there never seems to be the time enough to tell her how wonderful she is. Sometimes while she is sleeping I will catch a glance of her and assure myself that I am imagining things, heaven could never be this close to me. The balance of true love is keeping the fear of eventual loss at bay while enjoying every moment you have.

Once, feeling a twinge of insecurity, Christy wanted to know why I was doing all of the stuff I speak about on this blog. I told her because I wanted to make sure we had as much time as possible together. Essentially, I am doing this for her. I am not sure if that is any different than most things I do. Maybe, all of this is more obvious and consciously actionable.

I am not sure where I would be without Christy today. There is a song that equates love with war where the veteran participants eventually spend time in the shelter of the goddess Venus. "And all us poor cripples, who've been in the wars, wind up sleeping on her floor." I have been on that floor clutching the armor I had left over from the last battle or the one before; all the silver shielding covered with the corrosion of red plague. I would walk out, again and again, only to come back beaten and a little more broken. There is a point where you lose the thrill of battle and you must face it like a job or consider retiring from the fight altogether.

When I met Christy again, a little under two years ago, there was not much left but battle scars and rags but I still soldiered on. But Christy saw something there I didn't see myself, something maybe I still do not see. It remains a mystery that I don't want to solve. All I know is that a beautiful and vivacious woman showed me that love was here and there were no more battles to be fought. I rest my head on her shoulder at times and I am thankful that I have finally cast off my armor and other worthless burdens. "Home is the sailor home from sea, and the hunter home from the hill."

"But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today"

1 comment:

  1. I saw then and still see today the amazing man that you are and I'm the luckiest...

    I do miss Wedding Roulette's 'Back to the Future' drinking game though :)